Too Much to Be Thought (and felt and said and all the other things)
by RaspBerryStars
Summary: [Lizzie Bennet Diaries Universe] The first time Lizzie and Darcy have sex, they inadvertently make a sex tape.


"_Elizabeth, feeling all the more than common awkwardness and anxiety of his situation, now forced herself to speak; and immediately, though not very fluently, gave him to understand that her sentiments had undergone so material a change, since the period to which he alluded, as to make her receive with gratitude and pleasure his present assurances. The happiness which this reply produced, was such as he had probably never felt before; and he expressed himself on the occasion as sensibly and as warmly as a man violently in love can be supposed to do."_

Pride and Prejudice, chapter fifty-eight

* * *

The first time Lizzie and Darcy have sex, they inadvertently make a sex tape.

(It shouldn't take a genius to guess what the important word right there is.)

Jane and Bing announce within a week of their reconciliation that they've decided to move in together.

This comes as a surprise to absolutely no one (although Mrs. Bennet still spends days crying about it. Figures.), and generally speaking, everyone is pretty happy with the news. Jane and Bing are thrilled, Mr. Bennet seems reasonably pleased, Charlotte e-mails her congratulations (both from her and Rickie). Fuck, even Caroline, who Lizzie can tell is inwardly seething, puts on a somewhat convincing smile (at least, convincing to those who aren't paying attention.)

Lizzie is of course happy, but being who she is, she doesn't so much say it as vlog it.

(This is what he life has become. Vlogging about things as opposed to actually experiencing them.

She's not sure how she feels about this.)

* * *

"… Congratulations Jane. You totally deserve this."

Lizzie gave her best smile, giving the camera a thumbs up. Her happiness about Jane leaving was not forced, although she'd be lying if she said she wasn't the tiniest bit upset about her sister truly and forever moving on. Their time together over the last month had been super fun, and the fact that now Jane was really leaving forever (because no one was delusional enough to think that they wouldn't be engaged within a couple months), and that their relationship would never quite be the same again, did make her want to weep a bit.

But just a little.

And well, yes. The fact that Lizzie herself was alone, and that there was in fact someone out there who she would really like to be with, did not help. Being one of three single Bennet sisters living at home was hard enough. Now she was one of one single Bennet sisters at home (what with everything that had happened with Lydia, everyone was just happy that she was alive, and she had basically been taken out of the Should Get Married equation), and the only person she has to blame is herself. Her prejudice and judgment, and her inability to have seen that Darcy was just awkward and unsure of how to act, were the only reasons she was upset.

Every time she got a new detail of his doings – whether it was helping Lydia get out of trouble to convincing Bing to make amendments with Jane, her heart sunk just a little bit. Because she realized that if she hadn't been so rude, if she hadn't initially pre-judge him for his wealth (because, in retrospect, Lizzie could tell that she was doing a little bit of that), things would be a hell of a lot better. Jane and Bing would have never broken up, Lydia wouldn't have ever met George, and on a selfish level, she just might be in a loving and healthy relationship with someone who respected and cared for her.

So, yeah. Her smiling was a little bit forced.

Lizzie let herself stop smiling, and simply stared at the camera for a couple seconds, trying to figure out when the fuck her life got so… weird. When exactly did she go from a strong, forward-thinking lady who didn't care about being single, to a depressed girl sitting in her room talking to a camera and pining for a guy who probably didn't ever want to see her again?

At that moment, William Darcy walked into her room.

(Is the universe trying to tell her something?)

"Um… hi Lizzie."

"Darcy," Lizzie almost gasped, quickly standing up to face him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm helping Bing move some of Jane's stuff," Darcy said. "I… thought I'd say hi."

"Oh," Lizzie said. "Hi. Um, are Jane and Bing downstairs?"

Darcy shook his head. "Oh, no. They just left for Netherfield."

"Oh. And my parents?"

"They left too," Darcy said. "Something about wanting to see their daughter living in such a grand place. At least, that's what your mom said."

"Right," Lizzie nodded.

They both stood silent for a moment, trying to think of something to say to the other that wouldn't end with screams. Lizzie had flashbacks to The Most Awkward Dance Ever.

"Well," Darcy started, "I guess I'll just be leaving…"

"Actually, Darcy, before you go…" Lizzie stared down at her feet, unable to look into his eyes. "I wanted to thank you for everything you did for Lydia and my family."

Darcy's eyes widened, his mouth opening just a little bit. "How do you… how did you find out?"

"Lydia blabbed about you being the one to bail her out," Lizzie said, looking up. "After knowing that, I kind of… forced my aunt to tell me the full story." Lizzie lightly giggled at herself, and Darcy gave a small smile. "You know me… always an advocate for the truth."

At this, they both giggled.

"I do," Darcy said. "Know you, I mean."

"Yeah…" Lizzie looked down again, trying to hide her red face. "Anyway, I just wanted to thank you, from my entire family. I didn't tell them about any of it, and they have no idea how much they owe you."

Darcy's face turned downward, and he visibly gulped. "Well, thank you for thanking me, but…" he trailed off, looking anywhere but her eyes. "As much as I respect your family, I did those things with only… _you_ in mind."

Lizzie's mind almost went blank, and she looked up into his eyes, if only to see if he was lying. Darcy – the person she had publicly and ruthlessly humiliated for a year, who she had rejected in front of thousands of viewers, who she had said time and time again that she could never want or love or be with, actually might not hate her?

For a millisecond, Lizzie thought she might faint.

(She doesn't, but it's still a big moment.)

"Lizzie, you're too nice to do this to me any longer. If your feelings are what they were last Halloween, please let me now and I won't bother you anymore. Mine are… the same, but one word from you and I'll let go of the idea forever."

Lizzie's brain practically dries up, her heart pounding and soaring and doing all other sorts of things hearts do when they're happy. She's never been the kind of person who couldn't think of something to say – talking really is her specialty, after all – but this, this is what actually leaves her without words. (She'll have to tell Charlotte that one – it'll give her a good laugh.)

Lizzie tries, really, _really_ hard to make the words come. She tries to think of the most eloquent and meaningful way to say _I was so wrong about you. Let's make out_.

Nothing comes to mind.

So, she does the only sad, pathetic, not-at-all-what-he-asked-for thing she can think of.

She kisses him. Hard.

(Which, yes, she will admit that on the list of things to do when someone asks for your thoughtful opinion of them, giving them a big smack on the lips is probably at the bottom. But _come on_, you try thinking of something meaningful and important to say when the person you might (are) completely in love with says they want you.

That's right. You don't got shit.)

His lips taste like coffee, which is not exactly what she expected but a pleasant surprise. And really, she's not at all sure what she expected. She's thought about it a couple times over the past year, but it's been at different stages of their relationship; some involved dying at the touch of his lips, while others ended in fireworks.

Either way, this is better.

They both immediately find their hands reaching for each other, hers for his face and shoulders, his for her waist. Their tongues quickly slip into each other mouths, and it takes Lizzie over a minute to realize that they're swaying. They're actually swaying on the stop.

(_Come on_. Are you serious, universe?)

When they pull away, they're both blushing.

"My feelings… um… my feelings are _quite_ the opposite."

He breaths out really loudly, lightly nodding his head as if it's the only way he'll ever be able to believe what she's said. Both his hands are technically on her, one just under her shoulder but the other toward the bottom of her waist, just grazing the top of her ass and making them both a little desperate to be done talking.

When he speaks, it comes out slow.

"Oh…"

It's enough.

They go right for each other, all fast and messy and teenage-like, as though they've never been laid and this (them getting each other naked) is the most important thing in the world. She tears off this bow-tie, he unbuttons the first couple buttons of her shirt, they both thank god that the rest of the Bennet's are out of the house.

This? This is the part where they fuck.

But more importantly, this is the part where Lizzie, in the mist of having Darcy's tongue in her mouth and hands tugging at the ends of her shirt, forgets that she never turned off the camera. This is the part where they go over to her bed, which, while completely out of view-shot of her computer, is not out of hearing-shot. This is the part where they're kind of loud.

And later is the part where Lizzie, unaware what the video contains and too tired (and distracted) to notice how long it is, sends it over to Charlotte for editing. Later is the part where Charlotte spends five minutes satisfied with the work her friend has done, five minutes squealing with happiness for that same friend, and the next several minutes being moderately shocked but mostly excited for the blackmailing opportunities (and, silently, still thinking her friend it doing great work).

* * *

Jane and Bing get married in the fall of 2013.

It's a beautiful and elegant ceremony, the kind the venue would use for all their promotional posters. Jane looks like a princess, Bing looks utterly dapper, and the Bennet family manages not to look crazy.

Lizzie thinks they should take that all as a win.

She's also pretty convinced that if fairytales are real, Jane and Bing must be living one.

(Darcy proposes to her at wedding.

He steals some wine and glasses, and sneaks her out to the patio garden. They talk about how much they loved the ceremony (which says a lot, since they were both in it), and then they dance when their song comes on in the ballroom, even though they can barely hear it and it's debatable whether or not it's even their song (it's the same song they were forced to dance to at that first wedding, and neither one of them is sure if the fact that it was their first dance makes it their song – the whole thing with her hating his guts when said dance took place doesn't help their decision making.)

And then he gets down on one knee, and tells Lizzie that he loves and respects and cherishes her, and that she's the only person he's ever truly wanted to spend his life with, no matter what.

Lizzie cries just a little bit. As it turns out, she's pretty happy to be the poor woman ending up stuck with that douchebag for life. (Her words – technically.)

(Jane says that Lizzie's the one living the fairytale, but she'd have to disagree.

She's thinking more classic romance novel.))


End file.
